I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
