Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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