I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
