good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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