So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Randomize
