I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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