did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
