Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
