i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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