She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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