I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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