just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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