I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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