So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
