I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
