Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
