I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
