she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
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I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
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Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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