...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Farmville is her only friend.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
