Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
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I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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