do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I came so hard my ears popped.
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