history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
