True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
