best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize