I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
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I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
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Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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