all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
