Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
