I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
