everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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