my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
