The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I think my vagina is haunted
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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