My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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