Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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