ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
