He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
