ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
