when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize