Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
