fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
