somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
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Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
MIDGETS
????
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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