You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
