I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.