You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
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I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
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We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex