Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.