one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!