Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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