I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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