does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
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he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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