Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Randomize
