Midget sex pt 2 tonight
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
