I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
