its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
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