Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
