and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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