FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
We had to coat check the pizza.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
