Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
