nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
