Why are handjobs necessary in class?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
