His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
