I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
