it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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