forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
