Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize