Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
